#1 - Can you find true friends on Bumble BFF?
I gave the app a go, here is how it went.
The truth is, I was feeling lonely. And I had been feeling this way for a while. But I wasn’t feeling lonely because I was alone. I was rarely alone. I was in a long-term relationship, I had colleagues my age and I visited friends and family frequently. I was feeling lonely because I was lacking a best friend. Somebody I could feel close to other than my family or my long-term partner.
In the hope of finding some comfort, I watched Thelma & Louise. It’s the story of two best friends, Louise Sawyer and Thelma Dickinson, who initially head off on an innocent girls-only weekend break. A plot twist will make them both fugitives from the law. It's a great movie. It made me dream of finding my own version of Thelma, somebody who would be my ride or die.
I had missed out on the whole online dating thing. I was in a long-term relationship with a partner I met IRL. I had never used Tinder or any other apps to meet people. Up until now, I had met new people the only acceptable way: through friends of friends. And I never worried about it. The whole thing took me by surprise. Gradually, friends moved back home, and others went away for work or had babies. And then suddenly, the big lights came on, and the party was over.
But I wasn't going to let that spoil the fun. In the words of Louise Sawyer, “you get what you settle for” and I wasn’t going to settle for gap-filling friends. I wanted to find the real deal. I had heard of Bumble BFF or Bumble For Friends. But I didn't believe people were using the app to make actual friends. Like, how lame right? (It’s not lame).
In all honesty, I thought the whole thing was to remain a secret experiment. But the idea that meeting somebody I could truly connect with was only a few clicks away was irresistible. I signed up to Bumble BFF.
After being prompted with some questions, my profile was ready: Alice, 32, she/her, journalist at Reuters:
“Hiiii - I moved to London to study about 10 years ago - friends have either moved back home or moved elsewhere - into going to gigs/cinema & good food :)”
Now, onto the swiping business. I was so impatient. I had never done it before, and it was my favourite part. I was fast with it. Entirely vain too. I was getting vibes from looking at a profile picture for a split second, like some sort of psychic. Soon, I realised I was swiping left continuously, and that it wouldn’t be very helpful. The thing is, I wasn’t taking it seriously. I wasn’t going to actually find a friend on this app right?
“I miss being part of a big group of friends”
That resonated with me. I scanned the pictures, she looked fun and easygoing. But, I was still going through these at a considerable speed. And that’s when I went ‘shit’. I wasn’t sure whether I swiped right or left. I tried going back (there is no going back) but I couldn’t. I thought damn, she sounded nice. And now she is gone. Never mind, I thought and closed the app. It was a ridiculous idea after all.
A few days later, as I was scrolling through Instagram, I checked my Bumble profile. I had a message. I opened it, and quickly realised it was Vanessa, the Italian girl I had hoped to connect with a couple of weeks back. I had swiped right, and she did too. It was fate. I mean it wasn’t, it’s literally how the app works but I liked to think it was. We started chatting and agreed to meet on the following Sunday for drinks at the pub.
It was very sunny that day. We had agreed to meet at the Royal Inn On The Park, and if you are unfamiliar with it, it is a lovely pub by Victoria Park. It has a sun-facing terrace and lots of big tables. I had passed by many times before and had dreamed of having drinks at one of these big tables with a nice group of friends of my own.
She arrived early, and I arrived on time. That was already a good start. We sat at one of those big tables, joining a couple. I went to order the first round. Two half pints of Guinness. Cautious but daring. She took the next round. We talked for hours. The conversation was deep, and words were flowing. It was like somehow I had always known her. When we realised it got dark, and slightly chilly outside, we decided to head home. Everything felt easy. We walked to the tube and we knew we would see each other again.
On the way back home, I felt lighter and full of hope. It made me realise that it wasn’t always the way I felt after hanging out with new-ish friends. I am conscious this is only based on a couple of hours spent together, but still, I understood that perhaps I wasn’t the problem. And that paying attention to the way I felt was important. When I went back to check on her Bumble profile, she had deleted it. Perhaps because she’d found a friend?
To be continued.